Part Two

The other holidays.  Yeah.  If you didn't catch part one, here's a link:
                  
 I forgot, nobody appreciates Zelda humor.

So why do other holidays exist?  Now I'm not talking about international pancake day, since there's an obvious reason that exists, but things like Halloween, and Christmas, and Easter.  On second thought I won't bring religion into this, so lets generalize and say Chranzikkah.  Now these are ALL THE SAME! (Commercialized versions anyway)  So let me show you something on all of the Wikipedia pages: (Wikipedia is always right).

Christmas:

I mean it's fairly normal here, lets look at Hanukkah:

Huh that's also sort of known, what about Kwanzaa? 

I SWEAR TO SUBPARTICLES!  I'm seeing a strange pattern here...
That has a nice ring to it...
YES.  THEY ALL INVOLVE GIFT GIVING.
Although good job Hanukkah, I had to look farther down in Wikipedia to find that.  So lets look at another christian holiday, Easter!  (I thought I might add in here that although I'm technically Atheist, I consider myself a consumerist for celebrating consumer holidays.)

So Easter.  Surely your Wikipedia page has nothing worth snipper tooling...

Oh.

So "Halmark Hollidays" have random coincidences and Holidays have gifts?  Someone should tell Trump that all he needs to gain voters is promise presents! But why would this actually be beneficial?  So let me ask a question:  How many of you would give me a piece of candy right now?  If you are thinking "Yes", I won't insist you keep it, so serve it up!  Now let me ask another question:  How many people's families give out candy to strangers dressed up weirdly at the door?  Most would call the police, right?  (Well maybe not that drastic, but they would think they were crazy)  Now what if it was Halloween?  It sponsors generosity and kindness... FOR A NIGHT!  But if some random thing allows people to be kind to random people at the door, I'm all for it, and if people can just generally give me gifts whenever I'm all for that too.  Nudge Nudge Wink Wink. They all promote community growth.  Think about SNDGB or whatever it's called.  So good job Coca-Cola.  You made Satan great again.

Oops, Typo.  I meant Santa.

Yes it's over, I don't have to rant again for a while!