Yes that was made in MS Paint using a trackpad. And yes I probably will do more of these after March is over. And yes I will keep blogging after SoL is over. I'm crazy, I know.
Wow CNN. I thought you were better than this. And by this I mean capitalizing (As in punctuation not economics) the letter "i" Even in improper places. This comes up with results such as "BelgIum" and with the extremely generic font used on CNN, it looks like another L. Actually, I take that back. I never thought CNN was better than this! I never even gave a thought about CNN! And as you may have figured out from B3Ijium (I might be exaggerating CNN's spelling error/glitch) I'm covering the Brussels Attacks! (Keep in mind that up until this point I had no idea that these existed since I don't pay attention to news at all)
Lets start with the first paragraph:
Brussels, Belgium - Police detained six people in raids Thursday night as investigators raced to uncover the network behind this week's terror attacks in the Belgian capital.
Hold on, WHICH BELGIAN CAPITAL? THE I THAT LOOKS STRANGELY LIKE AN L OR THE B? Let me look in the actual letters in the label on Google Maps. Underneath the B is approximately some place called "Fontaine" No offense people who live there, BUT THAT SEEMS MORE LIKE THE NAME OF A SALAD THAN AN ACTUAL PLACE! With fresh baby tomatoes and iceberg lettuce with a famous Fontaine dressing... As to if you walked up to someone and said "I live in Fontaine", they probably will think you have a thick accent and are some sort of Werefish who lives at the Pissing Boy (That's a famous fountain in Brussels). Definitely not the sort of place people would raid unless they want that delicious, delicious, dressing. So lets look at the I: "Gembloox" No? "Jembloux" Still no? "Gembloux". What type of name is this? I have a simple answer: Belgian! (No offense, but you guys have a capital that shares the name of a vegetable!)
So time to get to the juicy part! After all, that's the first paragraph of the article.
CRAP! THEY BOMBED SOMEWHERE AND PEOPLE DIED! THIS HAS NEVER HAPPENED BEFOR-
2015 - Beirut Suicide Bombings!
2014 - Russian Pre-Olympic Bombings!
2013 - Boston Marathon Bombed!
2012 - Pune Bombings!
2011 - Mumbai Co-ordinated Bombings!
Well in this one 31 people die-
Amount of People Dead to 2013 Boston Marathon Bombings: 3
Approximate amount of People Dead to Smoking Yearly: 439,000
And So far this year it would be: 109,750.
Man, if bombings looked as scary as they are, they would be teddy bears. Not that teddy bear from yesterday. Actual ones.
Now for another line: Any clue, any lead, any witness could be critical in the race to stop the next terrorist attack on European soil.
Thanks to Mark and a certain project, I know the components of dirt- I'm sorry, SOIL, and their importance, but is keeping those safe from Metropolization (Stop underlining that in red, I can make my own words!) that dramatic? Just ask nicely for a community garden! My point is, that's WAY too dramatic. Any clue, any lead, any witness could turn out to be a complete and total DUD. Moving on!
Ooh A HEADLINE! Lets see what it says:
Surveillance footage shows man with bag
WHAT? A BAG? WE SHOULD HUNT HIM DOWN FOR GROCERY SHOPPING! CNN, you couldn't think of any better title. A BAG! I would have understood more if it had said "Surveillance footage shows man with elephant," At least then I'd know something suspicious was happening. Plenty of people have been caught red-handed with bags, that certainly doesn't make them terrorists.
Then the next thing that caught my eye: A link called: "How to help victims of Brussels attacks". What do you mean? According to Google, the definition of victim is:
a person harmed, injured, or killed as a result of a crime, accident, or other event or action.I fully expect this link to bring me to a page about necromancy, because it's pretty hard to help people who are already dead. They mean the ones that are still alive, but by being extremely brief with messages, it says the wrong thing. I could get the message across better with: How to help those injured in Brussels attacks. THATS ONE EXTRA WORD! AND A BUNCH OF PEOPLE WHO READ CNN THAT UNDERSTAND IT BETTER!
Next portion, and it's acting like they should have predicted that some random man that served a bit of jail time then was released would in the future be part of a terrorist attack. They would have no idea, and they still wouldn't legally be able to keep him for additional time in jail! Also, the terrorist attacks could have gone on just as easily with ANY OTHER PERSON! He isn't the turning point of the entire operation, so why act like it's the authorities fault?
Finally, the picture. Just because those three people were walking together doesn't mean all three of them were part of the bombings! If it's true that the third person supposedly there planted a bomb, he probably wouldn't just be strolling along with the suicide bombers! It's just as likely that the dude in the background is the third person. But that shot was timed perfectly! They all have the same bag! About how likely is it to have a black bag? Pretty likely! And you might think that they would have different bags, unless that one was the cheapest, but it's probably likely that that was him. Still, it's probably unlikely that they will find him for a while from just that photo, so they can waste time looking for him, instead of preventing future attacks! Because CNN, you would probably prefer another story about an attack instead of a story about no attack. That would be boring! So CNN, get your terrorist squad out there. Make a good story! Get lots of readers!
Remember your priorities!
Remember your headlines!
You help Brussels Dead!
a person harmed, injured, or killed as a result of a crime, accident, or other event or action.I fully expect this link to bring me to a page about necromancy, because it's pretty hard to help people who are already dead. They mean the ones that are still alive, but by being extremely brief with messages, it says the wrong thing. I could get the message across better with: How to help those injured in Brussels attacks. THATS ONE EXTRA WORD! AND A BUNCH OF PEOPLE WHO READ CNN THAT UNDERSTAND IT BETTER!
Next portion, and it's acting like they should have predicted that some random man that served a bit of jail time then was released would in the future be part of a terrorist attack. They would have no idea, and they still wouldn't legally be able to keep him for additional time in jail! Also, the terrorist attacks could have gone on just as easily with ANY OTHER PERSON! He isn't the turning point of the entire operation, so why act like it's the authorities fault?
Finally, the picture. Just because those three people were walking together doesn't mean all three of them were part of the bombings! If it's true that the third person supposedly there planted a bomb, he probably wouldn't just be strolling along with the suicide bombers! It's just as likely that the dude in the background is the third person. But that shot was timed perfectly! They all have the same bag! About how likely is it to have a black bag? Pretty likely! And you might think that they would have different bags, unless that one was the cheapest, but it's probably likely that that was him. Still, it's probably unlikely that they will find him for a while from just that photo, so they can waste time looking for him, instead of preventing future attacks! Because CNN, you would probably prefer another story about an attack instead of a story about no attack. That would be boring! So CNN, get your terrorist squad out there. Make a good story! Get lots of readers!
Remember your priorities!
Remember your headlines!
You help Brussels Dead!
Um. This is amusing and you bring up valid points (and some not-valid points, as I'm sure you meant to). However, I think it is a bit early to make jokes about the Brussels bombing with such leisure. On second thought, it's you. Never mind.
ReplyDeleteThe last part is said sarcastically, while rolling one's eyes and plotting to drop ice in a hat that does not belong to you.
DeleteThis is very amusing, and a VERY unique slice (Like all of yours). The MS paint images have started to add a lot to your post. Example, yesterday's post. It did a very good job of conveying why Satan bears should not make music videos. This was again very amusing, nice job!
ReplyDeleteHm, that's a pretty good point. I didn't watch the News anytime soon. I can totally see it, with a touch of sarcasm, it was really good, great slice idea!
ReplyDelete