Satan for Preschoolers

Before you read this, watch this video.

First off WHAT THE ACTUAL CRAP? That smile looks like he's trying to murder kids and stuff them in his bear suit.   SERIOUSLY!  THESE PEOPLE MAKE THESE VIDEOS FOR PRESCHOOLERS!  THIS IS NIGHTMARE FUEL!  But when you were a kid this probably seemed innocent.  But still, what the heck?  Why do people enjoy this, head shoulder knees along?  Well I don't actually have an answer, and a lot of people are probably questioning how I found this.  So I'll tell you that story to procrastinate coming up with a BS answer that people will have to accept.

It started out on a snow day AT THE END OF MARCH?  WHO CAME UP WITH THESE PHYSICS? And I was watching YouTube.  On the video there was an ad, not the video type but the type at the very top of suggested videos.  And there was a hour long thing of this! (I'm not sure if it was just this, because I only watched the first two minutes, but immediately I started thinking about Satan, and thought about who might find this interesting so I texted the video to Aubrey.  (It was a really "Interesting" response that may have involved him subscribing to the channel and liking all of the videos. I'm not quite sure.)  LOOK AT THAT BEAR!  This is how I imagined it for those less imaginative folks out there (Edited on a trackpad using MS Paint which is quite fitting considering what it is)

If this guy doesn't seem like he wants to burn you in your sleep and sell your soul for a Happy Meal, I don't know what does.  I actually managed to get a lot more than one Happy Meal for your soul, but moving on.  WHY DO PEOPLE FIND THIS BEAR FRIENDLY?!?!?!!??!

HE WANTS TO KILL YOU!

ACCEPT YOUR DEATH!

Now listen to the first line of it:

"Hey There! Do you want to sing and dance with me?"

NO!  If I was shown this as a three year old I would have to go into therapy to stop me from dissecting Barbie Dolls.  NOBODY LIKES IT!  I DON'T "WANT TO GO FASTER."  Wait a minute... YouTube has a speeding up system...  I want to try this at half speed.

FIVE MINUTES LATER...

WHAT THE HECK DID I JUST WATCH?  SOMEHOW IT JUST GOT CREEPIER.

Aspects of newfound Creepyness:

THAT END LAUGH AT HALF SPEED WHAT JUST HAPPENED?

That Smile and the way he stares into you soul.

MS Paint.

A Trackpad

I give up.  This stuff is awful.  And it's representative of something.  Now there are plenty of other circumstances, like  this.  Actually, I'm not sure they're trying to get the same message across, but it's pretty similar.  It's just that TinySchools method is a bit sneakier (Shut up that tiny school is just making kids videos and kids don't see it as Satan, ITS A FREAKING BEAR WITH A CREEPY LAUGH.  NOT STEREOTYPICAL AT ALL.  Well maybe it's different, but shh.  They both (Probably) will make kids suicidal at a young age.  And best of all, the satanic kids book is only school distributed in Florida.  Yeah.

Credit: Huffington Post, Google Search, TinySchool.tv, Microsoft paint (Eww).

Also, expect a slice soon about Microsoft Paint and one about the headline story on CNN.  You have been warned.